


Paper Moon (Wincest Fanfic) - ♥ - Wattpad

by sadeity



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Homophobia, M/M, PTSD, and mentions of self-harm))
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 09:35:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 9,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10087058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadeity/pseuds/sadeity
Summary: welcome to my shitty fic that i probably won't ever finish rip





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to my shitty fic that i probably won't ever finish rip

Dean slammed the car door shut as he stumbled up the driveway. He kicked a rock in front of him and raised the flask to his mouth again. Sam sighed when he saw Dean like this, he didn't understand why he had to be drunk every living moment of the day. Dean thumped into the door and opened it, but since he didn't have very good balance at the moment he ended up falling onto the floor. Trashed out of his mind, Sam thought, and yet he still keeps a firm grasp on his booze. Sam stood in the doorway and watched Dean for a few minutes to see if he showed any signs of life. Despite a mumble and a twitch of the leg, Sam knew that he was going to have to put Dean to bed, again. Sam shuffled over to Dean, taking one arm and throwing it over his left shoulder, and taking the other arm and holding it against Sam's arm. Sam took the booze out of Dean's hand and sat it on the table by the stairs. He started up the stairs, struggling underneath Dean's weight.

They finally managed to make it to Dean's room, where Sam tried to set Dean softly down on his bed, but ended up with Dean faceplanting into the bed, halfway off. Sam groaned, "Godammit Dean, why can't you ever be sober?" He grabbed Dean's legs and was setting them onto the bed when the drunken bastard decided to wake up.

"Sam?" Dean called, rubbing his eyes with his hands, looking like a little boy who had just woken up from a nap. "What are you doing?" He pushed himself up so that he was in a sitting position.

"Well," Sam started. "Someone decided to go out and get trashed again, so I had to carry your fatass up the stairs."

"Oh," Dean said simply, he had stopped rubbing his eyes and was looking at me. Sam could still see the glaze of the alcohol misted over his eyes, and knew that anything Dean would say, he shouldn't believe. "Sammy," Dean started. "I'm sorry, about your girlfriend and dragging you into this life. I know that you didn't want to hunt demons like dad and I would, but I didn't listen to what you wanted. I'm sorry for being so selfish all the time, and constantly hurting you. All I am is just a drunk bastard, and I know it, that's why I can't live with myself, because all I ever do is hurt you and I'll never be good enough." Dean choked back a sob as Sam stood there shocked. When Sam felt a tear running down his cheek he was surprised, why was he crying? He knew that Dean was just lying and that tomorrow night would be just another repeat. He couldn't help himself from going over to Dean and wrapping his arms around him.

"It's okay Dean," Sam said. "We all have our mistakes."


	2. Chapter 2

Sam woke up in the morning to find his face against the floor. Dean's floor, to be exact. How he'd been there all night, he had no idea. Sam groaned as he pushed himself off the floor. He didn't fail to notice that Dean was tucked into his bed, wrapped up in a warm fuzzy blanket and snoring comfortably. Asshole, Sam thought. He opened Dean's door and shut it behind him, deciding to run out to the store in Dean's beloved Impala to pick them up something for breakfast.

Having a drunken idiot for a brother means that there typically isn't food in the house, and if there is then Sam wouldn't trust it to be eaten. He grabbed the keys to the Impala that Dean had left on the floor downstairs, where he had crashed inside. Sam shook his head at the thought, remembering just how bad Dean had been last night. He usually wasn't that bad, he'd just go out for a few drinks, get a little drunk. Dean never came home pissed out of his mind, to the point that he'd pass out and not remember what happened later. Sam sighed as he walked out of the house, locking the door behind him. He made his way up to the Impala and sat down in the driver's seat, feeling a little uncomfortable as he started the old car up.

Dean was always the one to be driving, so the fact that Sam knew he was home and not in a good condition, mentally or physically, made him upset. Sam clenched his jaw as he clutched the steering wheel, jerking the car to the right when he realized that he'd almost missed the turn.

He slumped against the wheel after he'd pulled the car to the side of the road. Sam inhaled deeply and exhaled, trying to get a grip on his thoughts. Suddenly, he hear a noise coming from the back of Dean's car. Sam quickly turned around in his seat and looked at the back, where there was now a lady sitting. 

"What in the hell?" Sam exclaimed. He ripped the keys out of the ignition and stumbled out onto the grass, looking into the back seat of the car where the woman was sitting. Note the word 'was'. The woman was now gone. "What the.." Sam exclaimed again, turning around in a circle to find the woman. He heard a laugh from behind him, and turned around to notice the woman standing by some trees, her head tilted to the side as if she were studying him.

"What are you waiting for?" She asked, her voice unexpectedly high pitched. Sam winced, the thought of hearing that voice for much longer was enough to turn anybody off. "I know about you Winchesters, that you hunt down supernatural things." Sam paled a little at this, if she already knew who they were, how was he going to get out of this situation? Sure, he had been able to fight demons by himself before, but he was constantly worried about not being able to finish one off, and him ending up being the one finished off. 

"Don't worry," Sam said interrupting the witch from speaking any longer. "I won't make you wait any longer than you already have." He checked his pocket to make sure that he had some essential items to take her down, and took off chasing after her. She cackled as they ran at insane speeds through the woods. 

Sam suddenly came to a clearing in the forest, and turned around in a circle. Where did she go? He was just chasing her and now she was gone.

"Boo." He heard a high-pitched whisper breathe in his ear, and he nearly jumped out of his skin. The witch had a finger up to his neck, and he wouldn't have been so threatened if it weren't for the fact that her fingernail was extended longer and shaper than a normal humans. 

"Hmmm." The witch said, seeming to be thinking. "I think I'm going to have a little fun with this one. Hold real still, my dearie." The witch started mumbling something and her voice grew louder and louder as Sam struggled and thought of ways to get away. 

Suddenly it was quiet and Sam ripped out of the witch's grasp and pushed her up against a tree, clenching his hand around her throat.

"What did you do?" He roared in her face. He felt as if something was different, but at the same time right.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." The witch wheezed underneath Sam's hand. "If you kill me I won't be able to release it and you'll be stuck as you are forever, although I can see in your heart that you wouldn't mind that as much."

Sam flinched away from the witch. The only thing that he could think of was that. And that secret he'd kept locked long inside of him for a long time, making sure that no one would ever find out or sense it. The witch smirked as if she knew what he was thinking.

"Have fun." She said in that high pitched voice before dissapearing in front of him.

Sam numbly shuffled back to the car in a daze. How could she have known?


	3. Chapter 3

Sam slumped against the doorway to the house, hearing Dean in the kitchen. Sam didn't know how he knew that Dean was in there, he could just tell. Before he realized what he was doing, he was walking into the kitchen and leaning up against the doorway, watching the muscles in Dean's back move as he cooked. There must've been some food in the fridge afterall, if Dean was managing to actually make something.

"Smells like shit." Sam said to let Dean know that he was there. Dean looked over at Sam and grunted at him, probably still feeling the effects of the hangover.

"If you're gonna be a little bitch then don't eat it." Dean said gruffily, walking over to where Sam was to get an utensil out of the drawer. Dean's smell hit Sam hard, making him gasp as he felt something come over him.

Mine, something inside Sam called out when Dean pressed his leg slightly against Sam's.

"Sam," Dean started. "Can you like, move? I'm trying to get something out of this drawer and your fat ass is blocking my way-" Sam growled and pushed Dean up against the counter, holding his hands up on top of the cupboard doors. Dean's eyes flashed with uncertainty and confusion.

"Sam, what's going on?" Sam paused as Dean's warm breath blew across his face. He leaned forward and buried his head in the crook between Dean's shoulder and his head. Sam couldn't resist sniffing and leaning closer to Dean, pressing up against him as Dean's scent intoxicated him. He groaned as he could feel Dean's pulse quickening under his body. Sam moved closer to Dean, if that were even possible, and nibbled on Dean's neck where he could hear his heartbeat pounding.

Dean grunted and shoved Sam away from him.

"Dude, I can smell some witches shit all over you. Where were you and who were you?" Sam scratched his neck and tried to deal with the loss of warmth from Dean's body. He paused before looking at Dean again and replying.

"I was going to the grocery store and I heard this weird ass noise from the back of the Impala." Sam said, sighing. He could still feel the pull that was calling him to Dean, to just take his brother and hold him against himself. Sam shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts before he continued. "The next thing I know there's this crazy bitch in the back of the car, and I thought y'know. We hunt supernatural things, so I should be able to take her down.. but she had me between a rock and a hard place, literally."

Sam sighed and looked at the ground before looking back up at Dean. "I just wanted to prove myself to someone, to you. You're always taking care of me, I'm always the little brother that needs protected, and I don't need protected Dean, I can take care of myself. I wanted to show you that I could take care of myself, that I don't need my help, that if anything I can help take care of you."

Dean's eyes widened shock at what his little brother, Sam, had said. He hadn't realized that that was all that Sam wanted. His eyes watered as he realized that Sam was growing up, scratch that, that Sam had grown up, that he wanted to be treated as everyone else was. He didn't need babied anymore. 

Dean walked towards the counter opposite of him, which Sam was leaning against and hugged his younger brother, ruffling his hair as he'd done so.

"I never realized that that's the way you were feeling, Sam." Dean whispered in Sam's ear, making him flinch at the close contact. Sam coughed a little, trying to cover up his sharp intake of breath.

"I should've realized," Dean continued, bringing Sam's attention back to Dean's voice. "That you were tired of being considered the younger brother, tired of being taken care of." Dean's arms tightened further around Sam's waist as his hands dropped from his hair.

"Maybe it's time I treated you as more than that." Sam glanced up as Dean's voice got huskier at that sentence, to see his face slowly coming closer to his own, and forgot everything when Dean's lips brushed against his.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam sighed in content as Dean rested against his chest. He traced his free hand down Dean's arm, and smiled as Dean nestled closer to him, wrapping his arm tighter around Sam's waist. Sam glanced down at their interlocked hands, the fingers twirled around each other.

A ping from the bedside caused Sam's attention to drift away from the sleeping Dean to his phone.

Hey Sammy,

How've you been lately? It's been awhile since we last talked.   
I'm waiting at our usual spot, if you could meet me in 30 that'd be great. 

-Jess

Sam sighed and shook his hair, making his hair fly back and forth. He sighed heavily and slowly slid out from underneath Dean, trying not to wake him. Sam walked over to the dresser and slid on some jeans and a grey sweatshirt. He tucked his phone into the back pocket of his pants and walked over to the doorway, but something made him glance back in the room. The site had Sam catching the breath in his throat.

Dean had just woken up, he was looking at Sam with his eyes squinted. His hair was sticking in little directions everywhere, and the blanket stopped just at his hips showing off his v-line, and the tattoo on his chest. Sam's eyes slowly slept down Dean's body, remembering what he'd looked like naked. Sam quickly glanced away as his the area around his crotch tightened, mentally cursing himself because he couldn't go see Jessica with a boner.

"Where are you going Sam?" Dean asked in a gruff voice, his fatigue changing the sound of his voice. Sam leaned against the side of the doorway, looking down at him.

"Jess texted, she wants to talk for a few. I promise I won't be gone for long." Sam thought that he saw a flash of what looked like hurt go through Dean's eyes when he mentioned Jess. They'd dated in the past, but Sam had quickly ended the relationship after shortly finding his feelings for Dean. 

When Dean didn't reply to what he'd said Sam walked over to him and placed a quick kiss on his forehead. "I'll see you later." Sam breathed into Dean's ear, dipping his head down further into the crook of his neck. Sam quickly breathed in Dean's scent before turning and leaving the room.

* * *

Sam slumped against his chair and sighed, annoyed that Jess just kept going on and on about pointless things, and wouldn't stop talking.

"Sam, have you been listening to anything I've said?" Jessica asked, pursing her lips and looking at him with a frown. Sam jerked his head up when hearing his name called.

"Sorry Jess, did you say something?" He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. Jessica just sighed and shook her head slightly, crossing her arms across of her chest.

"Sam if you didn't want to meet up today, you didn't have to." She paused as if she were thinking deeply about something. "I'd just thought that it's been awhile since we've last seen each other, and that'd you want to catch up like we used to." Jess reached across the table and put her hand on top of Sam's. He took his hand away and set it in his lap, not missing the look that she'd given him.

"Jess, listen." Sam paused and ran his hand through his hair. "I know it seemed like we might've gotten together sometime in the future, but, I just don't see you that way." He looked into her eyes, not missing the shock in them. "I'm sorry, I just didn't want you to misunderstand." Sam reached up and awkwardly scratched the back of his neck again.

"Oh." Jessica said quietly. She looked down at her lap, looking as if she wished she weren't there at the moment. "I understand. You can go if you want, I'll pay the bill."

Sam felt bad at having done this to Jess, but Dean was the only one for him. He couldn't just forget the fact that he's in love with Dean. Wait a minute, Sam thought, what if it's just the spell that's making me act like this? Sam shook his head and stood up from the table, pushing his chair back in place. "I'm sorry Jess."

Sam quickly hurried out of the restaurant, lost in his thoughts.

What if the spell the witch had placed on him was the only reason he was thinking solely of Dean?


	5. Christmas Special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys- I just wanted to let you know that this part isn't connected to the story line in any way whatsoever. It's just a little something special I thought I'd do for getting this story to 300+ reads(SERIOUSLY WOW I CRIED WHEN I SAW THAT) which I'm so happy about! Thank you all so much for reading voting and commenting, it means so much to me!! Also, I was getting tired of writing in third person so have a first person perspective! :) Enjoy and have a Merry Christmas~  
> (copied from when chapter was posted)

Dean Winchester POV:

I woke up in the best place I could ever imagine, Sam's arms. He was still sleeping and I had to fight back a smile as I saw the peaceful expression on his face. Sam had always had trouble sleeping, and lately he hadn't been looking as happy as he used to, so I was glad to see him like this.

I slowly got up out of the bed as I heard something thump outside. I went into the hall and looked at the window that looked down into our backyard.

The first thing I noticed was how white everything was. I mean seriously, Ohio was one crazy son of a bitch. One minute it was hailing, the next it was sunny. The thump had came from one of the many trees in our yard, probably dumping a heavy load of snow off of its branches.

I yawned and debated on going downstairs and making some coffee or going back to bed with Sam, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep so I decided on the second thing I couldn't live without, coffee.

I dumped in way too many coffee grounds, just the way I liked it, and leaned against the counter with my face slumped into my hands, lost in my thoughts.

The last time I'd seen snow like this was when Sam had been trapped in Hell. I shuddered at the thought, trying to bring my thoughts back, but it was hard when you'd almost lost the person you loved. What if I hadn't found him in time?

I was jerked out of my thoughts by sparks shooting across my waist, wrapping around my stomach. Sam, I turned around and looked into his sleepy eyes, wrapping my hands up to his neck and smiling at him.

"Good morning, Moose. What are you doing up so early?" I asked him cheerfully, knowing that he'd hate the tone of voice this early in the morning.

"The coffee called me." Sam pointed to the coffee pot behind him. I turned around to see that the coffee was done, and poured ourselves a cup. Sam opened the fridge, grabbing the milk and pouring it in his coffee before dumping a shit ton of sugar in his cup. He looked up at me as he was stirring the mixture and raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Sam asked. I smiled and shook my head.

"Just realizing that you drink coffee like a girl." I took a sip of my coffee, loving the warmth of it this cold morning.

"Whatever." Sam shrugged and as I watched he nonchalantly walked out of the room with his hands in his pockets.

I was just starting to make our breakfast food when I heard a cry from outisde and rushed out the front door, looking for Sam.

"Sam?" I called out worriedly. "Sam? Where are you? Did you get hurt?" I heard a groan and hurriedly moved to where it had came from.

I looked around the area for Sam, but couldn't find him anywhere. Just when I'd raised my hands and cupped them around my mouth to call out for him, a hand grabbed my ankle and jerked me down to the snow-covered ground.

"That's what you get for calling me a girl." Sam smirked at me. I sat in the cold snow, looking at him shocked.

"You big baby!" I cried out, grabbing a handful of snow and throwing it in Sam's face before standing up and rushing off towards the front door of our house. I could hear Sam yelling at me and there were snowballs flying past me. Catching sight of the house, I picked up speed, trying to get inside before I would face the wrath of Sam.

"Oof!" I said as one of the snowballs hit the top of my head. Damn, Sam was throwing the snowballs harder than he had been in the beginning. How in the hell did he have so many to throw? I stumbled back against a hard surface that I realized was the door. Frantically, I tried opening the door knob as Sam closed in on me, chucking more snowballs. By now I was covered in snow and visibly shaking, since I'd been so worried about a certain someone that I'd rushed out of the door without a coat on.

The knob finally turned and I breathed out in relief, before I fell back through the front door, stumbling and thumping against the wall with Sam spread against me. I laughed as I looked at him covered in snow. He studied my face seriously as I watched him.

"Sam, are you going to get off of me?" I asked as he didn't more for quite a while.

"What's really been bothering you today?" Sam asked me, ignoring my question. I glanced down away from his gaze, not wanting to think back to the past, back to when Sam hadn't been here.

"Nothing, Sam. Why?" I felt his cold fingers on my chin and Sam tilted my head up so that I would meet his gaze. It amazed me that even though it was about ten degrees outside, this boys touch still set me on fire.

"Don't lie to me," He murmured, his gaze dropping to my lips before he licked his own and looked back into my eyes. "I know when you are. Besides, you didn't sleep good today. Are the nightmares back?" I sighed and moved his hand away from my face, twisting our fingers together and looking down at our hands.

"I was just thinking of the past years." I started, tracing patterns into his hand with my thumb. "When you weren't here for Christmas."

Sam sighed and pulled me closer to him, causing my heart to beat even faster. "Listen Dean, all that matters is that I'm here, right now. And I always will be." His brown eyes flickered as he searched my face for understanding. "I'm never going to leave you again, that's a promise."

Before Sam could ask for a reply, I crushed his lips to mine demandingly. The smell of him was intoxicating my body, my mind, and my soul. All I could think about was Sam anymore, and I didn't know if that was a good thing or not.

I pulled back and looked at Sam. I took in how his cheeks were slightly flushed and his eyes were dazed. He really meant what he said, Sam wasn't the type to lie about things like that. He was always straight up about everything. "I love you."

Sam smiled at me before he crushed his lips to mine. I opened my mouth and sighed as I recognized the taste of coffee on Sam. "I love you too, Dean."


	6. Chapter 6

Sam jerked the wheel, turning a sharp right and barely missing the oncoming car. He swore under his breath and hit the gas of the Impala, trying to get there even faster. He'd scheduled an appointment with one of his old friends, Bobby, but something was telling him that he needed to get there, and he needed to get there fast.

Sam turned off of the freeway, not bothering to put his blinker on. He looked at the street signs, trying to find the road that Bobby had sent him. "Shit, Bobby. Why'd you have to move?" Sam finally spotted the street sign a few roads down, and sped up before turning off onto the street.

He pulled into the drive quickly, switching the gear into park before the car had even fully stopped.

It was a wreck inside Sam's mind.

The witch had caused him to doubt all the actions and words that he'd ever said to Dean. How would he know if he truly loved him now or not? Sam needed to talk to Bobby, and quick.

"Bobby?" Sam called out, stepping up onto the old home's porch. It was a nice house, you could just tell that it'd been there for a while. It was painted a white once, but by now it had faded and chipped in some areas, although it still looked homely.

Sam's suspicion and caution raised as he walked through the front door and into the kitchen. You could tell that someone had been there recently, but it was dead quiet, which was worrying Sam the most.

"Bobby?" He called out quietly, turning to go around the corner when something shot out from the corner, just barely skirting across Sam's peripheral vision.

There was a man in a long beige trench coat standing there staring at Sam. He was holding a cat in his hands, and the cat eerily had the same color of blue as the man's eyes.

His brown hair was unruly on the top of his head, making him look as if he'd just gotten out of bed. Despite the situation, Sam had to cover his mouth with his hand to stop himself from laughing.

"Who the hell are you?" The man opened his mouth. Before Sam could reply Bobby came flying around the corner.

"Cas, where the-" He paused in his tracks and looked up. Bobby looked a mess, his overall's covered in dirt and his hat tilted to the side. The dark circles under his eyes told Sam that it'd been rough for Bobby.

"Oh, Sam." He sighed in relief. "This is Castiel, who I'm sure you've met just now." Bobby gestured to Castiel to shake Sam's hand but the man just continued to stare at him.

"He has something on him." Castiel stated after Bobby had given up on us shaking hands.

He can sense the witch? Sam looked at Castiel strangely. He knows she placed a spell on me?

"Cas, stop that." Bobby scolded him. "You just met him and now you're going to scare him away."

"I'm not attempting to scare him." The man stated as he stepped closer to Sam. The cat in his arms squirmed and jumped out of Castiel's arms. Strangely, he ignored the animal and stepped even closer. "There's something on him, and I can sense it."

"You know what I'm talking about too, that's why you're here." Castiel's bright blue eyes looked up into Sam's. "Tell us what happened."


	7. Chapter 7

Sam sat on the couch as he explained what had happened to Bobby and Castiel. He'd been a little worried at first, about the fact that the witch had placed a love spell on his brother, but the worry soon went away.

Just because there was a spell placed on him doesn't mean that he had to actually mention his feelings for Dean. He was slightly unsettled, a part of him wanted to be proud that the man he was in love with also loved him. The fear overcame all of his feelings though, due to the fact that he didn't know if it was really him or not that was feeling this way.

Castiel came off as a tad bit strange to Sam. He didn't seem to even comprehend the fact that two men could be together in such a way, although when he realized they could, his reaction was humorous to say the least.

Bobby wasn't even surprised. "I always knew you two were a little too close than brothers would normally be." He said gruffly, causing Sam to laugh.

"So is there any way that we could get rid of this thing?" Sam asked. He scratched the back of his head as he thought about different ideas that might work. Bobby looked at Castiel before he glanced back at Sam. Sam picked up on the look that they'd shared, and grew suspicious and slightly worried.

"What?" He asked them, wondering what they could be thinking about. Sam glanced between the two of them quickly, his brow furrowing in confusion. Why were they looking at each other like that?

Bobby cleared his throat and heaved a big sigh before he turned to face Sam, looking him in the eyes.

"We don't exactly know how to get rid of the spell." Bobby started, glancing at Castiel before looking back at Sam. "First of all, we'd have to track down the witch. Which could prove to be nearly impossible, seeming as she could be anywhere in this country by now."

Sam clenched his fists against the side of his leg as he heard the news. How was he supposed to know if he truly loved Dean or not now?

"The only thing it seems that can be done," Castiel started. "Is to try to perform some type of exorcism." He seemed to be in deep thought, his hand resting against the side of his cheek. "Although we don't even know if that will work, it seems all we can do is try and hope for the best."

Sam felt a sudden pang of fear run through him.

This was actually going to happen. He thought. I might never be in love with Dean again after this.

Sam thought about what they had suggested to him for awhile. They were his best friends and he knew that they could trust him, although he was so worried to lose the love that Dean and him had built together. It was something beautiful that they had created and he didn't want to destroy it.

He leaned back into the couch, running his hands through his hair. Bobby could tell how worried Sam was and got up from his position, sitting down next to his old friend.

"Sam," He started, "don't worry too much about it. I've seen the bond that you two have together, and to tell you the truth, it weird-ed me out a little bit before I realized that you actually liked each other like that." They both chuckled softly before Bobby continued to reassure Sam.

"You and Dean have been through hell and back, literally. I know that if you two could survive that much, you could survive this. I have faith in the both of you, don't lose faith in yourself."

Sam swallowed down the uneasiness rising inside of him and decided to trust in Bobby's words, like he should've done from the start. 

"Alright, I trust you Bobby." He said, sighing and running a hand through his hair. "I'm just so worried, you don't understand what it's like to have your loved ones finally in your arms and then start to lose them."

Bobby stroked his gruff beard, staying silent for a few seconds before glancing up at Sam suddenly.

"Have you told Dean about this?" He asked, catching Sam off guard. He looked down embarrased, and slowly shook his head.

"I didn't want him to doubt my feelings," Sam paused. "We were finally happy and in love together and I didn't want to ruin it by saying that my feelings were there just because some damn witch sprinkled some love shit on my head." Castiel scoffed at this, picking up the cat that had walked towards him on the floor and cradling it in his arms.

"At least you're not ashamed to admit it." His ice blue eyes looking directly into Sam's. "Some people would have a hard time telling people, especially people they've just met."

Bobby interrupted the two by standing up from his position quickly.

"Let's get started, we don't want to waste the little time that we have left of today, and the daylight is quickly starting to fade."

"Alright." He started, coughing a little to clear the heaviness of his voice. "Let's do this."


	8. Chapter 8

Sam clenched his teeth to hold back a scream as Castiel pressed his palm against the man's tan skin. If he were looking at this from another person's point of view he probably would've laughed uncontrollably, but it seriously hurt like a bitch.

 

Castiel ran his hand down the man's chest, his brow furrowing in concentration as he tried to cast the witches spell away.

 

"Ugh, shit." Sam spit out, the sweat causing him to shiver with disgust as he felt it roll down further on his face, past his mouth this time. "Is it working?" He strained against the chair to look up at the angel. "I don't want to sit in this chair any longer if it isn't even working."

 

Bobby and Castiel had decided it would be of the best intentions to tie Sam to a chair, just in case he happened to get a little too worked up, or if the spell had a counter against exorcisms. Although Sam had been wary at first, he had reluctantly agreed.

 

An unexpected sound dragged Sam from the clouding thoughts and pain. He glanced up at Bobby and Castel with gritted teeth, ignoring the sweat running down his face as he spat out his words. "Were you expecting any visitors?" The look Bobby gave Sam answered his question.

 

"Wait a minute Cas, I'll check it out." Bobby dismissed before quickly exiting the room, causing the fallen angel to sigh and lean back away from Sam and against the wall. The two shared an awkward uncomfortable silence until the door slowly creaked open. Castiel quickly started towards the door, his hand flying to his upper thigh where a hidden knife had been stored. He stopped suddenly, glancing quickly back at Sam before moving aside to show a startled Dean.

 

Dean glanced around the room, his eyes absorbing all the equipment and finally, his brother who had been tied to a chair. His eyes widened slightly, anger in them becoming evident before flashing to Castiel, questioning the presence of the man and the situation.

 

"What the hell is going on?" Dean's voice thundered throughout the room, the silence at his answer seeming to enrage him further.

 

Sam's heart pounded in his chest, panic and fear slowly consuming him, engulfing him as his thoughts scrambled to find a calm resolve within. Dean couldn't find out about the witch, about what had happened. If he did, Sam would lose everything he'd worked on and towards with his brother. He opened his mouth to speak, to make up something, to tell him anything that would keep this secret hidden, when Castiel moved next to Sam, resting his hand on the man's shoulder.

 

"It's quite a long and complicated story." The angel muttered, his eyes keen on the elder brother, making sure the threat against Sam was completely gone. "If you're willing to sit down and listen." Sam jerked underneath the hold of the angel, shooting a look of anger up at him. Castiel isn't planning on telling Dean... is he?

 

The man backed away from Sam as he saw Dean do the same, tucking his hands into the pockets of his trench coat. "Although, it's not my story to tell, you should look to your brother for that."

 

Dean's gaze drifted back over to Sam, confusion becoming evident in his eyes as he took in the sight of his brother once again. He knelt down and untied the ropes around his waist and ankles, giving his younger brother a chance to relax from the strain of the rope. "Sam.." He muttered, lightly caressing down the side of Sam's jaw with his index and middle finger. Dean brushed the tufts of bangs off of Sam's forehead and rested his forehead against the other man's. "What's going on?"

 

Sam was frozen in fear, his entire being so overwhelmed with panic that it had skipped right past the hyperventilation and gone straight into shock. He gazed back into his brother's eyes, wondering how he could ever do this to him, what Dean had ever done to deserve this.

 

"I-" The younger brother licked his chapped lips, moving his head away from Dean's and getting his distance as he tried to tame his racing heart. Sam rubbed his wrists, wincing at the slight shock of pain that struck him as his fingers grazed over the rope burn. He sighed and glanced up at his brother, preparing for the worst.

 

"I was out one day, driving. Y'know, how sometimes I just need to go on a drive, to get away. I probably was on the way somewhere but I honestly don't remember what the purpose of the drive." Sam sucked in a shaky breath, his anxiety finally getting the best of him as the rest of the story poured out. "Dean I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I, there was a witch and I just wanted to chase her, to take one down, like you can. S-she was too strong, she knew all my weak points. God, Dean all I ever wanted to do was make you feel like you didn't have to worry so much, that you didn't have to look out for me, that I could take care of myself too. You didn't have to be the big brother anymore." Sam choked on his breath, coming to the part of the story that he didn't want to share with his brother. "I, she had me up against the tree, her hand around my throat." He looked up into Dean's eyes, his pure emotions flowing out as he couldn't stop telling the story, releasing the lie that had been stored inside of him for so long. "She knew my weaknesses, she didn't have to see us together to know that my weakness was you."

 

It was deadly silent, no voices echoing in the room. Dean stepped back away from Sam, causing his brother to look down at the ground in shame and to hide his hurt. "W-what?" Dean choked out, his eyebrows furrowed in shock. He turned away from Sam before anything else could be said, walking to the side of the room, to as far as he could get away from his brother, from the one that he loved.

 

Sam bit his lip to stop the tears from falling. "She cast a spell on me, it made me unable to resist you." He whispered as a tear rolled down his cheek and splashed onto the floor below him. "The day I came back and we first kissed, she caused that." If only I'd never kissed him, never approached him. If I just would've stayed out that night. He held back a sob as he realized that he wasn't angry that he'd met the witch, that he wasn't regretting these things. Sam was happy he'd been giving the chance to be with Dean. She had given him something beautiful, even if it hadn't been real. He had still been able to be with the one that he loved, even it was over, and they were never going to be together again.

 

"I guess there's no choice." Dean muttered darkly, his gaze downwards on the floor. He walked closer towards Sam, his hand slowly sliding into his pocket. "It's come down to this."

 

Sam's eyes widened in shock as he saw Dean pull a gun out of his pocket and before his eyes could process the sight of Castiel rushing towards them his vision went black, the sound of a gun shot resonating in his ears.


	9. Chapter 9

Ever since I was younger, I'd always watched out for my younger brother. With dad not being home often, and mom not being here at all, it'd been quite the task. Although I'd never once regretted watching out for him. Seeing him grow older, become more mature, and even helping him get ready for his prom date, soothing his anxieties, I'd never once been ashamed of being able to say that Sam Winchester was my younger brother.

The time that we spent together flashed by before my eyes, the two of us growing older, and even growing apart going by so fast, that I was scared it would end too quickly.

Sam was tough, tougher than anyone I'd ever known. He was always there for me, even though he'd never know it. The days that he had spent in hell, that we'd spent apart, had been torture for me, and I think that was when I first realized. The way his eyes would light up, and how his skin would wrinkle around the corner of his eyes when he'd been told a joke, or when he was the one telling one.

I don't think my brother had ever realized how important he was to me.

I was scared, terrified, of letting him go off on his own. I was so consumed with the thought of taking care of him that before I had time to blink, I had become completely infatuated with him.

That's when the drinks had started, bottles that had once been few and scarce were now being stocked plentifully and were seen everywhere you looked, leading a trail right back to me, and if you looked close enough, the trail to the root of my problems.

It was so wrong. So sinful, to love your brother. It was shaming to watch him stand next to someone, touching someone and wishing that that person would be you. I had kept quiet and drowned my sorrows and wishful thinking in too many bottles of whiskey and sleepless nights lying awake thinking.

He was the one whole thing in my world, the one thing that had been left untouched by all the evil that we lived amongst, and I hadn't wanted to corrupt him.

That's what I had done in the end, tricked him into thinking that he was in love with me. He ended up getting caught, hurt, distressed, because of me.

How could I do that to my own brother? The one that had been there with me, even when he didn't want to be.

Bile rised in my throat as I let the darkness consume me, masking over my thoughts and eventually it would take over my actions again. Another one night stand, another bottle down.

This is what I deserved.

The cold metal slipped from my grasp, the sound not even reaching my ears as I was unable to tear my eyes away. Staring at my brothers limp body, lying still on the floor of someone's house, his once glowing face now paling, I said goodbye to the love of my life. And I said goodbye to my brother.


	10. Chapter 10

For some reason he couldn't stop the memories from flooding back. He could do nothing but focus on them, and when he tried to escape it felt as if something was tying him down, preventing the man from escaping.

All the different times, the different memories that they'd spent together, all the caring and loving that the two had had together. The way his hand had felt in his, slightly caressing the curve of his back, tickling and soothing him back to sleep when another terror had struck him during his rest.

A murmur interrupted his thoughts, causing the man's attention to drift. The memories paused for a second, his ears straining to hear the noise again. The memories slowly pushing their way back into his focus when the murmur was heard again.

This time he pushed, he kept pushing against the murkiness, the darkness of his thoughts and recalling of events. He struggled until the voice grew louder, the light growing more and more as he grew more determined to fight his way out of the neverending cycle of thoughts.

He persevered, pushing his way towards the voice, towards the direction it was coming from. Slowly, his eyes began to crack open and among the sudden sheer white, a pair of blue eyes gazed back into his.

"Sam.."

-;-

Sam had decided that hospital nurses, although quite caring, are extremely fucking annoying.

As soon as Castiel, who had alerted Bobby, who had alerted his nurse, had been notified of his return to the planet Sam consider home, all hell had broke loose. Suddenly his hospital room was filled with people, friends, nurses, people he hadn't seen in ages, people who Sam had done single jobs for with Dean.

Dean... he'd been kept busy on purpose, most likely Castiel and Bobby's doing. But even though Sam was surrounded by people, he couldn't help his mind from going back to rest on the man he loved.

And it was true. Sam was irrevocably in love with Dean. He could feel the pure, the freedom of his soul at last. Dean's gun had been loaded with bullets that were made entirely of salt and water, used for exorcisms and fighting demons. Had his brother known that? Sam's had no idea of knowing, because Dean was nowhere in sight.

Where was he? What was he doing? Sam bit his lip, his eyes clouding over as his thoughts took control of his sight. He turned his head to face Bobby and Castiel, the two that had stayed after everyone had left. Supposedly Bobby had given the hospital hell when they'd tried to kick him out.

"Bobby.." Sam croaked out, instinctively reaching for the glass of water next to his bed. Soothing his throat with large gulps of water, both men waited patiently for him to collect himself, bracing themselves for the incoming questions that they knew they would receive sooner or later.

"Where is he? What happened after I.." Sam's voice faded as he delved into his thoughts again, barely noticing when Bobby had finally spoken.

"We're not sure, Sammy. He left after it all happened, rushing out as we were rushing towards you." Bobby scratched at the roughness of his beard, the length of it longer than usual since he hadn't been able to trim it. "I don't know where he is, or what he's thinking. We don't know if he knew that the gun was purely for his jobs, or if he had the intention to kill you. There are just so many unanswered questions."

Castiel gazed at the two before glancing down, resting his head in his hands as he took it all in. The silence between the men grew as they all became even more absorbed in their thoughts.

The trance was broken as a nurse stepped into the room, checking Sam's vitals before re-dressing his wound and applying a new bandage along with antibiotics to the stitches in his side. Before leaving, she informed the two that visiting hours were ending soon, and although Bobby looked upset he didn't fight her this time.

Bobby and Castiel talked to each other as they left Sam to his thoughts, talking about ideas or maybe just even a general plan that Dean could've had in mind.

"How did he even know I was at your house?" Sam interrupted suddenly, causing the two to also stop and ponder over his words.

"Maybe he followed you, or wondered where you were going." Bobby suggested, shrugging his shoulders as he explained. "We're not really sure, Sam. That's something that you would have to ask him."

Castiel glanced at the clock before standing up, gesturing to Bobby to do the same. "Well we should get going, leave you to your rest in all. It's been a long day. Try not to overthink too much Sam, okay?"

He simply nodded before watching the two leave, noting the nurse's obvious face of relief that she wouldn't get in trouble for allowing them to stay later than usual.

Sam tried to tame his thoughts, but couldn't help but let his mind wander back to his brother, his friend for life.

"I promise, Dean," Sam said as he gazed out the window, the city lights and buildings almost blocking out the view of the stars and the sky from where he was lying in his bed. "I'm going to find you, I'm going to get us back."


	11. Chapter 11

Sam gasped for breath, jolting upright from Bobby's couch and clutching at his chest as if the mere physical touch could stop his rapidly pulsating heart. He hadn't been able to return to the house that Dean and him had shared, the ghosts of memories haunting the entire premises kept him from drawing near to the place.

He made his way through the house, contemplating the idea of turning the lights on, but unwilling to disturb Bobby had left them off. Sam opened the screen door that led out back, wincing as his chest throbbed with pain, his bodily movements limited due to the now stitched bullet hole.

A hole in my heart.. how ironic. Sam thought bitterly.

He had been wrong, so completely and utterly wrong that his decision in everything he'd done was now a painful reminder of what had happened. Sam loved Dean, truly and deeply. The salt that had spread throughout his being, supposedly exorcising the spell within him hadn't stopped his feelings.

The only thing left for Sam to do now was find Dean.

"You're an asshole, brother." Sam whispered, his gaze concentrated on the moon as the stars slowly shifted, the rotation of the earth moving them forward. "You always have been and you always will be."

Sam questioned his mind, burying deeper and deeper into thoughts until even the background noise of the crickets and nocturnal animals drifted away. Dean could be anywhere on this place, but if he was hiding from his very own brother, where could he possibly go?

-;-

Despite the determination Sam felt to find his brother, time still went on. Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, and eventually the time that had passed was nearing towards a month.

The doctor had cleared Sam a week ago, declaring that he was free to walk and act how he pleased, as long as he didn't end up in the hospital again. Sam had waited for the reassurance and comfort that would come from those words, knowing that he was now finally able to search for his brother.

But it never came.

Sam's anxiety grew daily, his sleep being plagued by nightmares of Dean leaving him, his body wracked with pain. The amount of rest he received every night was slowly diminishing, and he wasn't the only one that was noticing the changes. Despite their attempts to hide it, Sam could still see the glances that Bobby and Castiel would cast to each other, their worries about him increasing. The seasons started changing, the flowers that were once blooming so intensively and wildly now wilting as their stray petals danced to the ground.

Sam spent most of his days sitting outside, perched on a white wicker bench that Bobby had decorated the front porch with years ago. The homeowner and his cat-obsessed angel watched him carefully from the interior of the house, their sympathetic gazes shared in secrecy. Although, a part of them wondering just why he hadn't gone after his brother.

It was so painfully obvious to everyone around them that Sam was incomprehensibly in love with Dean, so why was he holding back?

One day Castiel decided to sit outside with the older man, taking in his appearance; the five o'clock shadow starting to become more than that, and his clothes starting to take on a faded look. Almost as if Sam was withering away, like he'd wished would happen, so many times.

"Sam?" Castiel said quietly, taking a seat on the bench next to the man, although managing to keep his respectful distance. "I can help you search for him, if you'd like me to."

Sam kept his gaze straight ahead, almost as if he were searching the sky for an answer. He showed no indication of having heard Castiel until he released a small, almost inaudible, sigh. 

"I've thought about it many time, Cas. Repeated the scene over in my head so many times it haunts me not only in my sleep but also in my wake." Sam whispered, his voice such a quiet murmur that it was almost impossible for Castiel to make out what he was saying. "He truly didn't believe that I loved him and now that the trust, the love, that we had is broken I know we won't be able to fix it. My stupid mistake has caused something even more destructive to awaken, something that's worse than anything I've ever done."

Castiel simply said nothing, moving closer to the man and resting a comforting hand on his shoulder as the two watched the sun setting in the horizon.

"He's your brother, Sam. He's always loved you and he always will, you just need to find the courage within yourself to get him back."


	12. Chapter 12

The floor of the car was littered with fast food restaurant bags, empty Gatorade bottles and Rockstar energy drink cans cluttered along the seats. A simple blue and red plaid blanket and a $5 pillow from the nearest dollar store were piled in a crumbled ball in the back seats, dozens of old maps covering the rest of the interior.

Sam lit his cigarette for the fifth time, or was it the sixth? He hardly kept track, or cared for the matter, his free fingers tracing the outline of I-70 on the Missouri state map, the road that he'd been traveling on and branching off of for days now. Months into his search for his brother, and only four states that he had searched entirely was starting to take the toll on Sam, a four o'clock shadow that had now turned into a full grown beard, muscles that were starting to lose their defined shape as if sitting in a car for hours on end was healthy for his body.

Glancing up at the dashboard, he cursed aloud as he noticed his tank running on empty, and made a mental note to keep an eye out for a gas station that was nearby. The scenery flashed by outside, buildings packed tightly in a row spanning out to the country, then back to the city life again. As Sam pulled into a gas station a small ding rang from the floor of the passenger side, causing him to park haphazardly next to the pump and dig under the clutter, his hand retrieving the phone. 

A quick update from Bobby and Castiel was enough to ignite a spark of hope within him again, a small smile spreading across his face.

"Got the memo that he was spotted in Harrisonville, good luck."

The pump clenched tightly between his callused fingers and a crumpled 20-dollar bill in his pocket, Sam prayed that the gas would flow faster. He glanced up at the pump, deciding that he would have enough gas for the trip to Harrisonville, and hurriedly placed the nozzle back in it's holder. The slightest chance that he would finally catch up with him causing the boy to sprint inside, handing the cashier his money and leaving without a second glance behind him for the change.

Sam slammed the door shut, reaching for his map of Missouri and marking where Harrisonville was before turning the keys and starting the ignition, his foot already on the gas pedal. His mind racing and the car speeding along with him, he set off to his destination.


	13. Chapter 13

Dean exhaled the smoke, trying not to cough as he put the lit cigarette out with his fingers. Not a flinch was cast towards the pain, as if there'd be anything that could be more painful than what he had done.

He stood upright and made his way back towards the car that was parked outside the gas station. Despite common belief, he wasn't as big of an asshole as he was made out to be; in other words, he would seclude himself when a smoke break was needed as he didn't like the idea of his smoke going in anyone's face. Also, he didn't want to drop the cigarette in gasoline and blow up the entire area.

Shit littered the entirety of his car; blankets, maps, pictures, empty bottles of liquor. Normally Dean would've made a disgusted face at the sight of his beloved Impala in such a state, but all the man could begin to do was clear up the area, gathering the clutter together and throwing it away in the trashcan nearest him. What had once been the most important thing to Dean was now the last on his mind, he let his mind wander as he worked, not paying attention to his surroundings.

There'd had been several moments during his "traveling" as he'd liked to call it where he'd came upon supernatural beings. The two of them had simply acknowledged each others presence and turned the other way, forming a sense of peace and anguish inside him that was hard for even himself to understand.

He had thought that he'd wanted to die, he truly did. But when the Jinn had simply nodded at him before going back to his hunt, Dean couldn't stop himself from feeling a wave of relief wash over him. 

Dean had thought himself to be a failure at many things, but when it came to his own life he never thought that he would have the doubts that he did now.

He was just finishing clearing off the passenger seat and had folded the blanket before setting it back down when a photograph broke free from the confines of the blanket's material. Dean placed the blanket on the seat before reaching over to pick up the photo, planning to shove it in his glove box along with the map and other pictures.

The sight of the photograph made him pause, a sharp intake of breath soon following afterwards. Dean wasn't sure if his hands were shaking but his dulled senses seemed to have come back heightened in this moment, as he heard a sharp ringing in his ears and felt as if the world was spinning around him. 

The picture was one of a series that had been taken of Dean, Sam, and their father when they were younger. The most common one that they had seen was the three of them sitting together but this was one that Dean had long forgotten about. The photo was taken without guidance by the photographer, as Sam and Dean weren't looking at the camera but at each other. The trees were behind them and they were both smiling at each other, almost as if they were sharing a secret that the world knew nothing about.

And maybe they had been.

Before Dean could react to the tears sliding down his cheek he felt a hand grip down tightly on his shoulder, and an all too familiar voice whispered a sweet "Hey.." in his ear.


End file.
